Between past and future

Its Summer babyy

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 03:09:26 -0400

Its Summer babyy

Nuclear Seasons.

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 14:35:58 -0400

When you go please don’t leave your love in the sun my heart would melt away

In the night with your twisted tongue when you drop the bomb I’m blown away

Cause I, refuse to hide in the page of the story

I come out the box I won’t say I’m sorry

No facing this on my own ‘cause you taste the blast and it shook your bones

I worry you’re all alone, in the field of lies, I won’t go home

Cause I, didn’t burn my skin in the blaze of glory

I come out your hands I won’t say I’m sorry

We are all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 19:06:55 -0400

We are all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils.

We are all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 17:23:19 -0400

We are all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils.

Black feathers.

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 16:14:56 -0400

I open my eyes. My white bedroom is filled with morning light. I slowly focus on black feathers of the dreamcatcher, while my brain processes received information. I had a dream. You were smiling at me and I was smiling back at you. No words and no actions. Your eyes were filled with little devilish fire, lightning up the eternal abyss in mine.

Lucid dreaming is awareness of the fact that you are dreaming. Some people spend years, using various techniques to achieve this skill, meanwhile others, like me, just happen to have it. Its a curse.
When deep inside you know, that this all is surreal, when all you can think of “I wish this wasn’t a dream”, when you open your eyes completely frustrated and disappointed in your subconsciousness for creating this beautiful image.

I sigh and close my eyes, hoping that this time I wont see anything but eternal black.

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Thu, 07 Feb 2013 16:45:06 -0500

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Thu, 07 Feb 2013 16:39:23 -0500

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Thu, 07 Feb 2013 16:30:57 -0500

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Thu, 07 Feb 2013 16:27:56 -0500

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Fri, 30 Nov 2012 17:12:59 -0500

Knock knock

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 18:23:03 -0500

One, two, three…

She could count to one thousand, if it was necessary, but even thousands of seconds wasted - couldn’t take her mind off her desire. As a little girl, child deep in her soul, she believed in heroes, romeos and other fairytale characters you can never find in real life.

Four, five, six…

She was bleeding internally. Laying in her bed, covered with covers from her toes to her head, all you could see was her fingers. She had her manicure on, and thankfully she saved herself from a habit of biting nails. She saved herself from a lot of things, but broken heart.

Seven, eight, nine…

She was nothing more, than a little girl, child in her soul. As she spent her life searching for those heroes, romeos and other fairytale characters, she couldn’t find anything. She only found needles, forks, knifes, cracks, bruises, bites that went straight into her heart. Worst of it all was her recent desire. It wasn’t anything like she experienced before. It was a sword that broke her into pieces.

Ten…

She fell asleep.

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Tue, 13 Nov 2012 18:08:20 -0500

C'est la vie mon amie

Fri, 09 Nov 2012 02:29:30 -0500

There comes a phase in your life, when you have nothing else to do but tie your hands and your tongue. It may be against your will, but when rationality kicks in, you have nothing left but to make “musts” meet with your “needs”. Its painful, its hard but outcome will always be worth. Because pain from self-destruction, pain from ruining your life and maybe someone else’s life will hit you so much harder than “again I haven’t got what I wanted”. We don’t always have what we crave, the castles we build not always stand tall, hopes not always stay still. One day you will look back at your life, and the last thing you’d want to see there is REGRET. Its your choice, you can always untie your hands, act out but then don’t wonder why you’ve broken into pieces and have nothing left but ruined pride, reputation, image, confidence and so much more.
And if you are beyond lucky to have someone saying “NO”, and by someone I mean not your brain, body or heart but a person - appreciate it, be glad, be thankful and most importantly cherish it.
Yes, you might not like to hear “NO”. I mean OF COURSE you wouldn’t like it. But suck up your egoism, your self-esteem and just live with it.
At the end of the day, you have two options:
1) Fix everything, save yourself or let others do that, be happy about what happened and what did not.
OR
2) Make your pillow your bestfriend for the next couple of days, mascara your worst enemy, and food your drug.

As for me, I chose to buy another set of Laduree, stock in my brain only positive things and memories, put another layer of mascara adding eye-liner and smile with the biggest smile I can ever have.

P.S. You might never read this, but:
Thank you and I am sorry.

xoxo

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Wed, 31 Oct 2012 03:43:43 -0400

Yes, them chills.

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 16:03:00 -0400

Carefully, trying not to disturb the silence, I let the covers slip off my body.
I’ve tried my best to fall asleep, to prevent my soul’s tragedy.

First step, second step, third step..
With shaky hands, trying to feel the room around me.

Couple of minutes and all nerves in my body get electrified. Goosebumps run all over me and the chill becomes persistent.

Dark night, blurry lights of a big city life winking “Hello” at me.
A little fire appears from nowhere and disappears, but before it goes it lights up my source of nicotine. And I am left in darkness all alone again.

I close my eyes, inhale deeply and feel little icy-cold drops running down my face.

A beautiful moment, in a beautiful city, on a balcony with a beautiful view.
I am shattering into pieces, loosing grip.
Strong and independent women are amusing, but behind all this Great Walls of China that were built with years, you may find tenderness, sensuality and weakness.

Its October 25. +2 degrees. And I see first snow flakes making their beautiful ways down to earth.
And this is where it hits me..

Winter is finally here, no matter how hard I’ve tried to run from it.
They say, love is what warms you inside, even in the darkest coldest nights.
I feel nothing but cold.

Winter is here again. And I am in my room again, deliriously lonely and having no one to care about me in the way I want, and in the way I need in the whole wide world.

Shattering, breaking, loosing, drowning and with eyes full of tears whispering
“Please… Don’t let this winter be as lonely as the others were”.

“It was the first time I ever heard Christian say he was tired,”...

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 14:44:29 -0400

“It was the first time I ever heard Christian say he was tired,” Hardy remembers.
“I was watching him for however many months getting beaten up and wet and cold, and he never said anything. Inside, I was dying, but I was thinking, ‘This can’t bother me because he’s not bothered.’ But on Wall Street, he just turned and said, ‘You know what? I’m exhausted.’ I said, ‘Me too.’”

“We stopped the fight and started hugging each other,” Bale adds.

Little pleasures in life, building heaven in time

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 14:22:32 -0400

Little pleasures in life, building heaven in time

Optional title.

Sat, 20 Oct 2012 17:49:41 -0400

21st of October.
That’s a second post in a week.

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We don’t search for source of happiness. Patiently waiting for days/months/years we start to forget about what we want. And then it hits us. It hits us straight into the heart, the second we open up.. Its not like Tyson. Its so much stronger. And lying on the floor for the first time of your life, you don’t want to fight it anymore..

We lay on the floor, with thousands of words stuck in our throats. Words we want to say, but too scared, too frightened. Because the second we open up, we will have a 99% chance to get hurt.

Beauty of unspoken words, is the intrigue you create in people’s mind. Disaster of unspoken words, is its pain.

With time they will start to burn you inside. From soft butterflies in your stomach, they will turn into sharp spikes on your tongue.

Reveal is just a “dial” button away.

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Sat, 20 Oct 2012 14:05:24 -0400

Can you keep my secrets?

Sat, 20 Oct 2012 14:03:37 -0400

Can you keep my secrets?